Supporting Siblings of Children with Autism
- Siblings of autistic children have their own sets of challenges and concerns which need to be understood and validated
- Therapy may help siblings of autistic children understand their siblings and become advocates
- Learning to navigate autism and new siblings is also a concern for parents who already have a child on the spectrum
Most people understand that an autism diagnosis has a profound impact on parents and the autistic child, but they don’t always consider how autism affects siblings. Your other children will also need help in navigating the diagnosis and what it means for your family dynamics.
How Autism Affects Siblings of Autistic Children
Exactly how an autism diagnosis will affect your other children will largely depend on their ages and level of understanding. Young children will notice that their sibling may exhibit different or challenging behaviors. There are a few ways to begin the discussion to help children understand and accept what autism is and what it means for their sibling.
Don’t Wait for a Perfect Moment
Talking about ASD is important. It should become a part of your family’s vocabulary with no shame or avoidance. Keeping things hidden for fear of a child being too young to understand can make things even more difficult down the road.
Explain Autism in Child-Centric Language
Even young siblings of autistic children can understand some things about the diagnosis. Begin explaining what it is and how it affects their sibling from the earliest days. Use child-friendly language and keep a few considerations in mind:
- Frame autism in a neutral or positive light.
- Explain how the autistic child may feel and why behaviors occur
- Tell your child how they can help in those moments
- Let your child know that any challenging behaviors are not his fault
Helping Children of Autistic Siblings Cope
Children with an autistic sibling are unique in that they have many of the same challenges as parents of autistic children, but without the power to manage the situation. It’s up to parents to ensure that all children in the home have coping tools to deal with overwhelming situations. Some options that may help your autistic child’s siblings include:
Encourage Open Discussion
Siblings of autistic children may have a lot of feelings that come up after the diagnosis. They may feel that all the attention is going to the autistic sibling. They may feel that they don’t have a voice in ways the household may change. Encourage them to talk about these feelings and validate them. It’s okay to acknowledge that things may feel unfair or challenging at times.
Plan One-on-One Time
It’s important to plan meaningful time to spend with all of your children. Give each child personalized attention, doing something they enjoy, and show appreciation for the unique individuals they are.
Teach Coping Tools
Children with autism frequently have anxiety, which can manifest in challenging behaviors. Siblings of autistic children may also have feelings of anxiety as a result of these behaviors, especially if they are loud or physically aggressive. Teaching your child to manage anxiety through meditation, physical activity, deep breathing, counting, or going to a quiet place can help them cope.
Consider Therapy
Autistic children are often in therapy to help them thrive in a neurotypical world, but their siblings may also benefit from family or individual therapy. Working with someone familiar with autism can help them better understand the condition, empathize, and find effective strategies to handle their own stress and conflicting feelings toward their sibling.
Dealing with School and Public Outings
Siblings of an autistic child can have strong feelings about the way your family is perceived by peers, extended family members, and even strangers you encounter in public. There are special considerations you can keep in mind when planning outings or after a particularly challenging situation.
Validate Feelings and Equip Them with Information
Neurotypical children may find themselves with conflicting feelings if peers comment on their siblings’ behavior. They may feel embarrassed, defensive, angry, or all of those things. Give your child information about autism so they can feel confident enough to advocate for their sibling if they feel led to do so. If not, teach them to ignore people who make disparaging remarks.
Keep the Whole Family in Mind When Making Plans
Children with autism may find large gatherings on holidays or birthday parties stressful. Your neurotypical children may become frustrated if outings have to be cut short or cancelled altogether. They may also find them less enjoyable if the whole family can’t attend. While you have to keep your autistic child’s needs in mind, you should also keep your neurotypical child’s preferences in mind. You may not be able to give everyone exactly what they want, but the effort will be appreciated.
Promoting Healthy Sibling Relationships
Sibling dynamics can be challenging for any family, but siblings of autistic children may find it harder to relate to their sibling than to other children. Relationships cannot be forced, but there are ways you can help foster a healthy sibling relationship.
Find Shared Activities
Children on the spectrum often have highly focused special interests and activities. Encourage your other children to take part in them to connect with their sibling. Combining activities is one way to go about this. For instance, if one child enjoys sports and the other science, they can engage in physics activities together by throwing or rolling a ball.
Keep Expectations Realistic
You may want your children to be best friends, but feeling pressured to connect may have the opposite effect. Encourage your neurotypical child to include their sibling where appropriate, but don’t force anything. Relationships build organically and can often ebb and flow.
Give them a Voice
Planning for the future can be a touchy subject if your child with ASD will need ongoing care, but conversations need to be had. Give your child a voice in planning as soon as they are old enough to make an informed opinion.
Autism and New Siblings
If your child on the spectrum is your oldest child, the sibling dynamics may be different. Help your autistic child connect with a new sibling by:
Using pictures
Show your child photos or videos of babies to help them get familiar with the concept
Finding Coping Tools
Babies can cause sensory overload for children with autism, but coping tools can help. These can include noise-cancelling headphones or masks to block sounds or unpleasant smells.
Involve the Child
Let your child help with tasks related to the baby, such as picking out nursery decor or baby clothes. Feeling involved can help them form a connection.
Putting it Together
Navigating relationships between siblings of autistic children and children with ASD can be challenging. By taking the necessary steps as soon as possible, you can help foster a healthy and bonded relationship. If you need help, Excel Together offers ASD therapies and individualized therapy for children with autism, their siblings, and their parents. Contact us today to learn more.